It's been 40 years and change since I graduated from Northeast High School in Pasadena, Md. ("Home of the Eagles!") I recently learned they tore down the old school and built a new one on the same spot. The old one looked like a prison. I hope they did better this time.
One of the interesting things about the passage of so much time is that you're surprised at which former classmates you're still in touch with. If you want a happy marriage you don't make too much effort to stay in touch with former girlfriends. And everybody else goes his own way. Even with the easy reconnectibility of Facebook, and a willingness to be remembered, I find myself in only occasional contact with a handful of people, and, though it's nice to hear from them, I can't claim to call them good friends, since we're not in touch much any more. And this was true after 20 years, never mind 40.
I do find myself still in semi-regular touch with old radio colleagues - radio is an intense, fun experience, or anyway it was when I was a young man, and I have a bond with people I worked with during my tender years in the medium - not only that, but affection for them, based on their apparent forgiveness for my immaturity back then; they never speak of it but I remember it, wincing.
I find, though, and perhaps so have you, that there are many people who were friends a long time ago that you simply don't stay in touch with. For example, Ed and Cathy - their real names - lived across the street from me for 20 years back East, and I really like them a lot. But they're way over there and I'm way over here and I think they moved and we haven't talked in awhile. I'm happy and maybe even relieved to still be touch with some others, like Bill and Jenny, who actually come to Hawaii from time to time, and open their guest room when I'm back in Washington.
The thing is, some perfectly good friendships gather dust and fade as time passes, distance increases and your own life changes. You don't break up with these people, you just let the relationship become dormant.
Which is why defriending on Facebook is such a new thing in our human interaction.
People who aggressively collected "friends" on Facebook, communicating the trivia of their lives online with what might more fairly be described as friendly acquaintances, have begun winnowing out fb-friends who seem less than central to their lives. You can defriend them outright or simply program your page not to show their posts.
Sociologists, perhaps trying to find more meaning in this than there actually is, are coming up with names for the process - "starter friends" and "socioemotional selectivity" are two I read in a newspaper column, and may I say that the latter term is a good example of academics trying to make a nickel's worth of thinking look like a million dollars' worth by creating jargon.
It may indeed be true that some people find as they get older that they no longer have time for drinking buddies. All married couples know they tend to hang with other married couples who have the same age children or share the experience of empty nest, leaving behind the friends of their singlehood that the spouses don't care for.
But clearly a major factor in Facebook defriending is that some people are growing tired of reading about what someone else had for dinner (with photo).
I don't think it portends doom for Facebook. Just because I have nothing in common with others in the Northeast Class of '71 other than our high school experience doesn't mean I don't like them any more. It's actually nice to hear from them. In fact, I'd love to hear from every girlfriend I ever had, provided they understand I'm spoken for, I don't care how much they kept their looks.
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